My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
