Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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