Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
