i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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