if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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