Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
