He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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