the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
