i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
