Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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