Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
