Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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