i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
