My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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