Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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