I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
