I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
