i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
...so i touched it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
