Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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