they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
