You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
