They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
