Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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