I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
