I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
