May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
