i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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