I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
