I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
