Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
