Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
