his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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