well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
