Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
