Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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