I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
