I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
