69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
