OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
