Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
