im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
