I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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