i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
