I heard we made out
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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