nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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