We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The air was thick with penises
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
