Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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