I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
