saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
