If i come over, it means nothing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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